My Eating Disorder and How McKayla Maroney Got Me Through it

   December 2009 I was ten years old and, I was just finishing up the end of the first half of my level 4 season. I was really struggling with my round off back handspring, which I know sounds stupid for a gymnast. I had competed four meets that season, and three of them I fell on my head. I could do it physically, but mentally I couldn't. Then a few days before Christmas I broke my elbow, nevertheless doing a round off back handspring which really wasn't good for my confidence. I got my cast off and was able to compete three meets before the season was over. And with all those meets, I didn't do my back handspring. In fact, in one of the meets my coach came on the floor to spot me and I didn't even to it then! So what the heck does a round off back handspring have to do with an eating disorder?
    Well one night I came home from workout ready to have my favorite dinner at the time; mac n cheese. I got myself a big spoonful but didn't swallow it. "Hmm.. that's weird" I thought to myself. I took a smaller bite, I got smaller and smaller bites until I was down to one little piece of macaroni. I swallowed that, but seriously. It would take forever for me to eat a whole bowl of mac n cheese eating it piece by piece. My mom could tell something was wrong so she offered to put the mac n cheese in the blender. I agreed to that and she put it in. When it came out I thought it would be a drink so I could easily have it! But it was just ground up this time. I still refused to eat it. So I went to bed that night without dinner. My mom just thought I must've had a tough day at practice so she ignored it for that night. She stopped ignoring it when it went on for a whole week. Yes, a whole week. I did eat but not a lot, maybe equivalent to a meal and a half a day? So not a lot. My mom started taking me to doctors, they couldn't determine what was wrong. I had to go into the hospital for a test to see if there was any blockage in my throat. So they put me to sleep and took a tiny piece of my throat out. They said nothing was wrong with me. So I was still going to doctors and leaving school early about twice a week so I could go to those doctors. My school had to give me special permission to take extra time to eat lunch so I was able to eat since it would take me so long to eat.
   I went back to the hospital for a few more tests. And they never determined what was wrong, they said it was most likely stress related and that's what my parents believed too. I was pulled out of gymnastics until February 2011. Which for any gymnast, is a super long time.
    Now where does McKayla come into play? Well, in 2010 when everything started happening. I became a huge fan of McKayla. My eyes would be glued to the screen when I would watch her. I always thought that I want to be like her some day, of course after the eating disorder that would be pretty much impossible. But what I really liked about McKayla is that she didn't win every single title possible, and when she fell she didn't let her emotions show it. She taught me how to be a fighter. And when I was released back into the gymnastics world I just thought about how McKayla inspired me and to never give up on my dreams. Of course, my dreams were crushed once again when I was forced to quit due to numerous injuries. McKayla really did teach me so much especially to never give up.
    Even though I'm not a gymnast anymore, I still look up to McKayla Maroney so much. She is still my idol and whenever I'm having a bad day I just think, "What would McKayla do?" And then somehow, it's settled. She taught me that even the craziest dreams come true. Right now my crazy dream is to meet her. And I hope that someday it will come true.